I was eaten like a twinkie!

Had lunch with DMan today at his secret Laksa place (won't be so secret when I start taking everyone there just to piss him off). Coversation was a mix of random topics, which he's rolled into yet another outrageously entertaining article about yours truly...see if you can figure out what the hell we were talking about. (As always, in need of a headline so suggestions welcome)

An Australian woman was killed today while crossing the road in one of the US’s most notorious boroughs, Compton Los Angeles.

Veronica M, 23, died when a “half tonne dad” allegedly mistook the petite Sydneysider for a Twinkie and ate her.

The man, Shashiquoi Jones, 38, 200kg, has been taken in to custody pending charges of 1^st degree murder, which carry the death penalty in California.

This is one of the most heinous acts of cannibalism we have seen today,” Detective Robocop said.

“But its only 12:15pm so anything could happen.”

Robocop said the investigation would continue once Ms M’s body had been retrieved.

Mr Jones said he had a very slow metabolism and food often took a while to digest.

Doctors had administered laxatives to Mr Jones and an industrial size porta-loo had been installed in his cell “just incase his bowels start working”.

It is believed Mr Jones was on a man-date with a male friend at an all you can eat style buffet when the restaurant suddenly closed due to a fire drill.

Under section 32 of the Californian Crimes Act (1982) extreme hunger is a legitimate defence against murder, as it is in most states across the US, but police are still waiting to examine the contents of Mr Jones stomach to ascertain how hungry he actually was.

In a statement to the media, Ms M's parents said they would wait until “the big fat fuck shat out our daughter” before appearing in public.

“We would always joke about what a little shit she was, but we never really meant it,” the statement read.

“What an ironic way to go.”

The parents said they would give their daughter a proper burial and had no intentions of flushing her body down the toilet, contrary to some media reports

--------------------------------------------

Stay tuned on my YouTube Channel for an upcoming video about Man-Dating ;) (Have to wait for D to find a partner first).

xx V