Daniel gets e-published

Early at work this morning I sent an email to check-in with a journalist friend of my on Level 2 just to say a happy "good morning!" and "what's up homie?". He was bored and longing to be working upstairs with the cool kids on Level 6. With his astounding writing skills and my lack of motivation on a Tuesday, I told him to write up an article about me to keep us both entertained (if only for a few minutes), and perhaps take his mind off the fact that he works on the boring level. This is the "article" (Headline suggestions welcome):

Sydney socialite and “good-time” girl, Veronica M, has taken out the 2009 So You Think You Can Dance contest.

The program, which aired last night, was marred by controversy as Ms M shimmed her way into the record books.

Her “abstract” approach to the proceedings caught the ire of judges, yet her use of props meant she tapped her way into the Australian public’s heart.

“The way she fuses classical ballroom with electro funk dancejam and traditional Finnish costume, in an abstract way, really makes you forget about the price of petrol,” one mesmerised fan said.

Another spectator commented on the unfair treatment the judges had given Ms M over the course of the competition.

“They said she wouldn’t be able to incorporate a pelican costume and a modern waltz, well up yours ‘cause she did,” the irate fan said.

“I’d vote for her as prime minister, she could tap all over K-Rudd given half a chance.

”We should at least put her in charge of the trains; that’s what Railcorp needs, a bit of rhythm.”

Ms M’s climb to dancing stardom was beset by challenges from early in her life.

Born to two parents with no feet, a freak genetic abnormality that affects less than .002% of the population, Ms M never let life’s “little challenges” get in her way.

In an interview with celebrity website E! Ms M said her parents lack of feet actually helped her to invent her own dance style.

“I had to shimmy around them constantly in the kitchen,” she said.

“One would be falling over the other ‘cause they had no feet to balance on and it was either do a backflip or be crushed to death.”

“Then we bought a miniature donkey and one of those tiny horses, so now they ride them around the house.

Ms M said having the animals in the house also inspired her original dance steps.

“That’s good – but it’s not so fun when you have to clean up after them,” she said.

Ms M will receive her prize, a cheque for $1m and a lifetime’s supply of shoes, on Thursday.

It is unclear if Ms M will take the position at Railcorp.

“If I wanted to clean up horse sh*t I’d go home and take care of Tinkerbelle and Lightning,” she said.

---Reported by "Dannygolucky"

------------------

Full marks for creativity and for disregarding the fact that in reality my parents are 4-time Australian Dancesport Champions.